Overcoming Mom Anxiety

The truth is for over 10 years I have struggled with anxiety. It was not until very recently that I realized how much it has affected me. I guess I don’t show it on the outside but I still deal with it internally. I use to feel like it had something to do with me or how I was made and I beat myself up about feeling that way because I truly thought something was wrong with me. After I had Olivia, I had a season of "post-partum" depression.  The anxiety sky-rocketed. After much therapy and counseling, I started the healing process and realized that when I feel “anxious” it’s not always due to something I did or someone did to me. It no longer controls me or my thought process. Took a lot of work, but like Iyanla says "I did my work".

I had to realize that Olivia (my daughter) was going to be okay. Even though I had to put her in daycare part-time, she is okay. (Being a stay-at-home mom is NOT for everyone. Don't allow ANY one to make you feel guilty. There are studies that say working moms (or entrepreneur moms) have more responsible children. Not sure if I believe that, but the point is that ANY one can prove a point using data. Just do the best you can do with what you have and give it ALL to God.....I digress).  I worried about what she would eat but even her daycare allowed me to manage her meals. I worried if the people that cared for her was really looking out for her, but then God showed me that there are only 3 other kids in her class and two adults. It’s not your typical daycare. In addition, one of her teachers is the sweetest person ever, she's in college, smart going to school to become a nurse. She’s been with Olivia now since she was 8 weeks old. She’s like her second mom. Makes me tear-up of thinking about it because she is SUCH a God-send. When I was looking for a good daycare I cried everyday and the process was horrible. The first daycare I walked in, did a short tour and walked out in tears. I couldn’t imagine leaving my little baby in that place. After failing to find a daycare that we were peaceful about, we prayed and asked God to send us to the place of His choosing. It had to be close to our home, small, with a early child curriculum and Christian-based at decent affordable price. I was VERY picky, and rightfully so. A few days later we found daycare connected to a church that was perfect! The price was perfect and we felt peace upon doing the tour and they have early childhood curriculum. Since then, Olivia has grown and loves all of her teachers and the staff.

She starts the next level early childhood for 18 months in August at a school that is one of the best Christian private school in the area and even still I felt anxiety about that. She will be around new students, new teachers at a new school. But then God reminded how he also sent us to this school as well. Bottom line….anxiety is an indicator that we are trying to hold on to something we were never meant to hold on to. When you give your concerns over to God, that is when peace comes. If you still feel anxious you haven’t FULLY released into His care. Trust in God brings peace in our hearts. It is that simple. What brings you anxiety? What haven't you released to God? What area are you not FULLY trusting God in?  We make it more complicated with this or that worry….but just like you trust the chair to hold you up when you sit down, blindly trust God. I wish I can say I was perfect in this area, but truth is….I’m on a steep learning curve trying to get better everyday.  I'm praying for you my fellow mom or woman friend dealing with anxiety.  If you were standing near me, I would hold your hand and say this prayer:

“God……..we need you. Heal us from every mental distraction that has our emotions out of order. Help us to not have anxiety. Help us to trust in you more. Walk with us closely God. Interrupt our day JUST to let us know your there. God thank you for every blessing that we do not deserve but that your GRACE has given us. Thank you for our children and our future children. Thank you for our families and our businesses. Lord, teach us to be content. Teach us to not look so far ahead that we don’t enjoy this moment with you. God we thank you…lead us on this journey. In Jesus name..Amen”

Mediation Scripture: Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

A Longing For More

I’ll never forget the day God told me, “The worst is over”. It was almost 7 years ago today that he whispered those words to me. I had recently relocated to Dallas, Texas and remember feeling such a joy and contentment it actually surprised me.  I was single, working in finance and accounting and preparing to write my first book. My relationship with God has always been really honest and this particular day I was standing in my bathroom cleaning, when he said “Bridgette, the worst is over.” I burst into tears because my heart knew exactly what He meant. The joy I was feeling was new and usual.  People seek adventure, but my adventure started the day I was born. I was born into a broken home and family that was filled with pain and domestic violence. As a baby or child, you don’t know what is normal is so pain became my normal. Hurt became my best friend. The next 20 or so years of my life would be filled with my two partners in crime, pain and hurt. I’m not ready to share the grime details of my trauma, but a young girl should never have to experience what I went through. Yes, my mom remarried and we lived in a nice home with my stepdad and I went to suburban schools. But never judge a book by its cover. If you looked closer you would see the pain. The secret trauma that existed as I grew older became LARGER and more hurtful. My stepdad was the best thing that could have happened to our family but the pain of my real dad caused me to be so confused about life in general. Then more trauma came. I LONGED for my real dad and his attention, more importantly his protection. So much so I welcomed ANY male attention to confirm who I was. That is what a father does. He confirms the identity of his offspring. I don’t hate my father.  I love him, and try so hard to honor him while also being transparent about my story.  Some stories are worse than mine but my story almost killed me.  I was going down and fast until God snatched me from that pit and said “LIVE!” Because at the age of 11, I tried to take my own life. But then He gave me love. A love I never knew and without His hand over me protecting me my teenage years could have been MUCH worse. Then He gave me healing. That took 10 years and I’m still healing.

So this morning I woke up to God sharing with me that I needed to launch out into the deep. That he was calling me to a place that I’m not comfortable with or familiar with. This new place requires new levels of faith as you become the hands and feet of God in the earth.  It’s an Christian FAITH adventure. I wish I can say I was completely compliant but to be honest with you, I said..”God, some people grow up in nice homes, with good families and friends surrounding them lovingly.  Then they get older and they want to venture out into the world and go on a Christian FAITH adventure. That’s great for them God, but my adventure started when I was born so any adventure you are wanting me to take, I’m not feeling it. I don’t see it nor do I have ANY desire to go on an adventure!”  These are honest thoughts and saying. Like I said, my relationship with God is honest and transparent. He knows how I feel anyway.  That’s just us. At any rate, his response was a simple notification that came on my phone in the middle of our conversation. It was Galations 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (It came from the Bible Apps Daily Verse)  Welp! So much for my argument. He always does that!

Now I stand here totally uncomfortable not sure of what He wants but completely surrendered. I took all of 2016 learning how to fully surrender so I’m not taking that test again. This blog is not about business (in general). It’s not necessarily about family. It’s about FAITH. Can I take you on this uncomfortable journey of faith with me? I don’t know where it will begin….and I’m not sure what my next blog post will be but what I do know is that I’m listening. Let’s listen together……