A Longing For More

I’ll never forget the day God told me, “The worst is over”. It was almost 7 years ago today that he whispered those words to me. I had recently relocated to Dallas, Texas and remember feeling such a joy and contentment it actually surprised me.  I was single, working in finance and accounting and preparing to write my first book. My relationship with God has always been really honest and this particular day I was standing in my bathroom cleaning, when he said “Bridgette, the worst is over.” I burst into tears because my heart knew exactly what He meant. The joy I was feeling was new and usual.  People seek adventure, but my adventure started the day I was born. I was born into a broken home and family that was filled with pain and domestic violence. As a baby or child, you don’t know what is normal is so pain became my normal. Hurt became my best friend. The next 20 or so years of my life would be filled with my two partners in crime, pain and hurt. I’m not ready to share the grime details of my trauma, but a young girl should never have to experience what I went through. Yes, my mom remarried and we lived in a nice home with my stepdad and I went to suburban schools. But never judge a book by its cover. If you looked closer you would see the pain. The secret trauma that existed as I grew older became LARGER and more hurtful. My stepdad was the best thing that could have happened to our family but the pain of my real dad caused me to be so confused about life in general. Then more trauma came. I LONGED for my real dad and his attention, more importantly his protection. So much so I welcomed ANY male attention to confirm who I was. That is what a father does. He confirms the identity of his offspring. I don’t hate my father.  I love him, and try so hard to honor him while also being transparent about my story.  Some stories are worse than mine but my story almost killed me.  I was going down and fast until God snatched me from that pit and said “LIVE!” Because at the age of 11, I tried to take my own life. But then He gave me love. A love I never knew and without His hand over me protecting me my teenage years could have been MUCH worse. Then He gave me healing. That took 10 years and I’m still healing.

So this morning I woke up to God sharing with me that I needed to launch out into the deep. That he was calling me to a place that I’m not comfortable with or familiar with. This new place requires new levels of faith as you become the hands and feet of God in the earth.  It’s an Christian FAITH adventure. I wish I can say I was completely compliant but to be honest with you, I said..”God, some people grow up in nice homes, with good families and friends surrounding them lovingly.  Then they get older and they want to venture out into the world and go on a Christian FAITH adventure. That’s great for them God, but my adventure started when I was born so any adventure you are wanting me to take, I’m not feeling it. I don’t see it nor do I have ANY desire to go on an adventure!”  These are honest thoughts and saying. Like I said, my relationship with God is honest and transparent. He knows how I feel anyway.  That’s just us. At any rate, his response was a simple notification that came on my phone in the middle of our conversation. It was Galations 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (It came from the Bible Apps Daily Verse)  Welp! So much for my argument. He always does that!

Now I stand here totally uncomfortable not sure of what He wants but completely surrendered. I took all of 2016 learning how to fully surrender so I’m not taking that test again. This blog is not about business (in general). It’s not necessarily about family. It’s about FAITH. Can I take you on this uncomfortable journey of faith with me? I don’t know where it will begin….and I’m not sure what my next blog post will be but what I do know is that I’m listening. Let’s listen together……